La Douleur Exquise

writingsforwinter: Lindsay Bottos

Thu, 16 May 2013 15:25:23 -0400

writingsforwinter:

Lindsay Bottos

Photo

Wed, 15 May 2013 20:55:14 -0400

Photo

Wed, 15 May 2013 20:52:45 -0400

wilburwhateley: Maestro Cthulhu

Wed, 15 May 2013 20:51:39 -0400

wilburwhateley:

Maestro Cthulhu

who are you

Wed, 15 May 2013 20:49:00 -0400

Just some girl without much to do until the fall courses start up. You can call me Sam.

More importantly than anything I’m a writer, before I am a human.

Waking Boxer Up: Just keep swimming.

Sun, 12 May 2013 22:41:28 -0400

Waking Boxer Up: Just keep swimming.:

gleich-vier:

I remember learning how to swim

Mostly because I learned how to drown first.

I knew the feeling of water being sucked into my lungs

And therefore I could better savor the feeling of air

And could track the oxygen running through my bloodstream with each inhale.

But as I got older I…

Disease-ridden

Tue, 07 May 2013 23:02:44 -0400

gleich-vier:

I like to think of the love we had

as something cancerous,

something tainted.

Because all the love that we shared

came from me

and its toxic nature infected everything.

So when the heart strings began to break,

brittle from the constant twang of cruel words,

it shouldn’t come as a surprise that both of our hearts were as black as tar.

silentscarsandhappypretending: Lol it will ;o

Sat, 04 May 2013 17:22:51 -0400

silentscarsandhappypretending:

Lol it will ;o

declaringwar: Best

Fri, 03 May 2013 16:21:53 -0400

declaringwar:

Best

gloomiedays: thug-4-life: what Why Hm.

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 15:18:45 -0400

gloomiedays:

thug-4-life:

what

Why

Hm.

Photo

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 10:24:45 -0400

Things she'll never know

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 13:01:02 -0400

And she doesn’t know how much it hurts me when she tells me how soft his lips are or how now she’s happy after so many months of sadness. She’ll never hear from my mouth how he’ll play her or that she’s too young for boys like him, because I always told her I’d never hold her back from doing what she really wanted.

An S.O.S. from the introvert who misses society.

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 22:52:59 -0500

It seems that in my constant efforts to distance myself from all of humanity, from all the problems that come along with emotions, I have come the the peak of my internal crisis.

While I always hide from people in reality I’m more terrified of being alone than almost anything. When most people say they want to marry someone rich, it’s because they’ll be able to buy anything they want—I just desire somebody who will never have to leave my side. I just want someone who will keep putting me back together again even though I seem to shatter at the slightest pinprick.

I guess it is some cruel twist of irony though, that I’ve already met a person who worships the ground I walk on but I can’t help sneer at them; I can’t help but want to hurt them.

Perhaps this loneliness is really catching up with me.

The good doctor

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 11:01:37 -0500

One of the first things all of my therapist’s have ever asked me is, “Do you ever think about killing yourself?“

To me it’s one of the worst ways to decide whether or not someone is depressed but maybe that’s just because in this backwards mind of mine suicide is just another day job. I always thought that if I ever reach the pinnacle of happiness, of joy and nirvana, that I should kill myself. I never dealt well with being happy because when I’m happy I’m in the clouds but it takes only the lightest kick and suddenly I’m in the center of the Earth making angels in the lava pools.

I don’t think I’ve been so sad I wanted to kill myself since middle school, and yet I have been so much more miserable since then.

”Of course I have. Doesn’t everybody?” I pause, rubbing my eyes tiredly. “I hope every person I ever care about has, because to me that makes them more real.“

Photo

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 07:15:04 -0500

Family life

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 07:05:13 -0500

And everything that could go wrong did with me and yet I can’t help but think when it comes to this family I may have gotten the best cut. When my mother had three children by her first husband, it should have stopped there. It should’ve stopped after my sister who was always valued by her looks a never her intelligence, sixty college credits before high school graduation or not, and who was told she didn’t need help and could figure it out on her own. It should have stopped before my brother, born two months early who would later suffer the consequences of his first mother being an incubator with no hands or arms to hold him. She should never of had my other brother who would forever live in his older brother’s shadow—who would ever be viewed as a person but instead an extension of his sibling.

I should never have been born in a second marriage with a mother who never should’ve been a mother and a father who could only feel for me, his one and only true child. But my existence went a long time unnoticed by my maternal roommate and I think to her I was just an extension of my father when I was bad and the shadow of my sister when I was pleasant. But unlike the others I would never want for a paternal source of influence—the others who watched their dad’s eyes glaze over with a fog of drugs. A father who hated my mother’s favorite.

arpeggia: James Nares - I Can Tell, 2010, iridescent pigment...

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 09:08:55 -0500

arpeggia:

James Nares - I Can Tell, 2010, iridescent pigment and wax on linen, 94” x 67 1/4” | More posts

"I touch your mouth, I touch the edge of your mouth with my finger, I am drawing it as if it were..."

Sun, 03 Feb 2013 16:51:06 -0500

“I touch your mouth, I touch the edge of your mouth with my finger, I am drawing it as if it were something my hand was sketching, as if for the first time your mouth opened a little, and all I have to do is close my eyes to erase it and start all over again, every time I can make the mouth I want appear, the mouth which my hand chooses and sketches on your face, and which by some chance that I do not seek to understand coincides exactly with your mouth which smiles beneath the one my hand is sketching on you.
You look at me, from close up you look at me, closer and closer and then we play cyclops, we look closer and closer at one another and our eyes get larger, they come closer, they merge into one and the two cyplopses look at each other, blending as they breathe, our mouths touch and struggle in gentle warmth, biting each other with their lips, barely holding their tongues on their teeth, playing in corners where a heavy air comes and goes with an old perfume and a silence. Then my hands go to sink into your hair, to cherish slowly the depth of your hair while we kiss as if our mouths were filled with flowers or with fish, with lively movements and dark fragrance. And if we bite each other the pain is sweet, and if we smother each other in a brief and terrible sucking in together of our breaths, that momentary death is beautiful. And there is but one saliva and one flavor of ripe fruit, and I feel you tremble against me like a moon on the water.”

- Julio Cortázar

The only soul I desire...

Sat, 02 Feb 2013 23:04:27 -0500

The only soul I desire...

amantesentechnicolor: - http://weheartit.com/entry/4833692

Sat, 02 Feb 2013 23:02:31 -0500

amantesentechnicolor:

- http://weheartit.com/entry/4833692